Professor Bent's Homework Assignment
Although it is the offseason, just like the players and coaching staff, we fans have work to do. Bassett and myself have noticed how quiet the weekends can be here at thejetsblog.com, so I have decided to come up with some tasks for you all to partake in. I have several ideas to test you over the next few weeks until the preseason gets underway, each designed to enhance our enjoyment of the upcoming season. Please take part and give your input and then maybe I will dish out some gold stars.
This weekend’s assignment is to help us come up with original nicknames for members of the Jets team and/or coaching staff. Let’s then see if we can get some of these nicknames to stick amongst the Jets community.
As long-time TJB readers will know, I often come up with wacky names for Jets players, normally based on tenuous puns. Although these names might sometimes be comically derogatory, they are always intended to be light-hearted and affectionate and when these players defy their names (as happened in the 2004 playoffs), I am as excited as anyone – perhaps even more so, because these players will have somehow endeared themselves to me even more.
This year, rather than run down the roster and try to come up with some good ideas myself, I thought I would get everybody involved. If any of these names become popular enough, T-shirt merchandising is not out of the question!
In order to kick you off, here are some of our ideas past and present:
Santana “the crab†Moss – because he always (well, nearly always) seemed to go sideways when returning punts.
Reggie “Mousey†Tongue – because of his unphysical style of play and his interest in Chinese communism.
Erik “the bard†Coleman – because he always makes plays (this *was* true when I first called him it).
Brooks “Sam Beckett†Bollinger – because his composure in the pocket in his early appearances was akin to someone who had just “leaped†into his body.
Joel “Tommy Boy†Dreessen – Bassett’s name inspired by Joel’s post-dropped catch reactions.
James Dearth “Vader†– I like Star Wars.
Laveranues “Shirley†Coles – I also like Laverne and Shirley. OK, maybe not. Coles is sometimes also “Elsieâ€.
Kimo “Jango Von Fetthoffen†Von Oelhoffen – I told you I liked Star Wars.
Patrick “Roger Ramjet†Ramsey – One with definite merchandising potential.
Kellen “Pocket Rocket†Clemens – If Roger Clemens is the Rocket…
OK, “classâ€, it’s over to you. Any decent ideas, that will maybe one day attain National attention like “the Bus†or “the galloping ghost†or the imaginative “T.O.â€, then use the comments below to submit your suggestions. Current Jets players and coaches are fair game, but if you have any bright ideas for former Jets or perhaps for Jets opponents, then let’s hear them!
6 Responses to Professor Bent's Homework Assignment
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will says:
sorry about posting this in the wrong place. also, dunno if this is 'news' for you guys (regarding Morley), but ….
http://thechronicleherald.ca/Sports/516519.html
i dont know another way to contact the site with info.
best, will. -
from Hadyn
Good off-season post topic.
I hate players that give themselves nicknames (Torry “Big Game” Holt, D-Jack etc). It's like when George on Seinfeld decides he wants to be called T-Bone.
Lavernues Coles = L King Coles
Patrick Ramsay = Patrick O'Ramsay (we need luck and now he's wearing green)
Kim Van Oelhoffen = SNAP! (gotta keep the QBs scared)
Jonathon Vilma = The Machine (what else do you call the top tackler?)
Jerricho Cotchery = The Crotch (a seriously cool nickname!)
D'Brickashaw Ferguson = D'Brick Shaw-house (as in: Built like a …)
Ben Graham = Kick Dundee (or it could be lengthened to Kickadile Dundee)
Ben Graham (alternate) = Knifey Spooney (I can see you've played this before)
Ones that seem too obvious:
Chad Pennington = The Chad
Mike Nugent = The Nuge
Curtis Martin = C-Mart
Monsanto Pope = The Pope (if he plays well) or His Hole-e-ness (if he plays bad) -
Some great work there, guys!
I am willing to offer an extension to those who have not yet “handed anything in”.
Bit disappointed that no-one left an apple on my desk. -
doug jolley is the real crab. remember this attempted catch: http://images.nfl.com/photos/img9310181.jpg
he is the worst of all the bad bradway moves. -
newjet says:
for Brad Smith-
Brad ‘You Better Worry’ Smith
Brad ‘Slash-n-Dash’ Smith
First off, I loved that Miami-Jets game. Great memory!
And although I've already thrown “Jerricho Catchery” out there, here are a few quickies . . .
Justin “Miller Time” – A flashy corner who returns kicks in the footsteps on Deion “Prime Time” Sanders (we hope).
Flyin' Bryan Thomas – Let's see some of that speed, please!
Mike “Mickey” Westhoff – Why does he remind of the Burgess Meredith character from the Rocky films? Like you can see him in an old barnyard with Miller. . . “Now kid, I greased up these pigs real good, and I expect you to catch 'em all in under a minute. Cause a man that can catch a greased pig should be able to hold onto a slick pigskin! Now go to it.”
Anthony “The Beast” Schlegel - Somewhere between Ultimate Fighting and boar hunting is this kid's heart.
Stone Cold Nick Mangold - Okay, I struggled with Mangold for a while if only because everything I came up with sounded like gay porn (not that there's anything wrong with it). But I like Stone Cold because it goes with D'Brick (you know for that offensive wall metaphor), plus, Mangold actually looks like he could've been one of The Hollywood Blondes with Austin and the late Brian Pillman. Now if he keeps the goatee and shaves his head, he's all set.
Brad “Stormin' Da” Kassell – Too Bermanesque? I just thought since he'll be blitzing on occasion, it made sense.
Leon “The Professional” Washington – Although I liked “Neon Leon” (as in he'll light it up out there), I decided this homage to the great Jean Reno-Natalie Portman film was more appropriate in light of Washington getting in trouble at Florida State for chosing to go to work in the summer (“going pro,” so to speak, to help his family) over just playing football.
Okay Prof — do I at least get points for getting my homework in early?