Bent’s Thoughts from Across the Pond – Week 15
Still reeling from Sunday’s 10 (ten) point blow-out at the hands of the mighty Patriots (wait…what?), the Jets face off against the Titans this weekend. My thoughts, looking back and looking ahead after the jump…
The Lost Diary by ???
I actually have an exclusive this weekend, as “ a source” dug a torn-up manuscript from the trash outside the offices of the “World Wide Leader” in Bristol, Connecticut…
I have few rules in life, but this is one of them. Any time my beloved Patriots have a late-season opportunity to avenge an unspeakable act of treachery with a 100-point beatdown against a hated divisional rival, I’m keeping a running diary. Here’s what transpired:
12:40 p.m. (ET) — My buddy Gus (a die-hard Pats fan) calls just to say “I haven’t been this excited since they announced Hulk Hogan was going to host the new season of “American Gladiators””. He may have a point: the unintentional comedy potential of “the Hulkster” as Master of Ceremonies for a competitive reality show is off the charts, but the perfect storm of this generation’s most competitive coach and the most loaded team of the salary cap era looking to run up the score against an out-of-his-depth former prodigy who he hates – and who happens to coach one of the league’s weakest teams? That’s once in a lifetime stuff!
12:56 — Arrive at Dad’s house, courtesy of a lift from my buddy, Sal. Is it OK that both of us have been drinking since 10:30 this morning and when we told each other this, neither of us batted an eyelid? We might need a ruling on this.
1:00 — The kickoff booms and amazingly the Patriots don’t run it back for a score. So far, so good for the Jets…only 59:45 to go. Meanwhile, Eric Mangini has already entered “what time does the postgame buffet open?” mode.
1:08 — Smooth sailing for the Patriots, as they effortlessly breeze down the field. Speaking of breeze, there is no snow, but the wind and rain looks set to derail the Pats’ run at the all-time record blow-out. I still think Belichick should have deactivated Chris Hanson for the NFL’s first “eff you” transaction, as there’s no way the Pats are going to need to punt against this lousy Jets defense.
1:09 — Oh.
1:12 — When I look at the Jets new QB, Kelly Clarkson…umm, Kellen Clemens, why do I get the image of a reject for the part of Matt Saracen at the “Friday Night Lights” auditions?
1:13 — Ah, that’s why…no sooner do I stop typing and Kelly throws a gimme pick six to Eugene Wilson and the rout is on. She looks hurt – I think we can put the “Brady versus Clemens” debate to bed once and for all.
1:15 — I just had an uneasy feeling about the parallels of Kelly’s injury giving the Jets no choice but to turn to Brad Smith with the Mo Lewis hit on Bledsoe giving Brady his chance. Could this be where equilibrium is restored to this “rivalry”?
1:17 — (Coming to my senses and feeling pretty stupid about what I just wrote)
1:19 — Thanks to some blatant no-calls the Jets have a fourth down inside the red zone. It’s clear what has happened here: The popularity of the character of “Bubble” in “The Wire” has engendered a newly found level of sympathy for informants, which has made it humanly impossible for the officials not to subconsciously side with Mangini and his team for this one.
1:20 — Brad(y) Smith throws a terrible fourth down pass and the Pats have it back. Should be 14-0 anytime now.
1:33 — What the heck? The Patriots just scored three points on something called a “field goal”. I might need to look this up.
1:45 — It seems Chad Pennington (huh? – color me surprised that he hasn’t been on injured reserve since September) is having problems with his headset. Typical Jets, always complaining about something. They should just put up with the disadvantage without complaining, like the Pats did when the Colts were piping in crowd noise.
1:53 — Touchdown Jets? I obviously didn’t realise just how bad this weather is. The Pats three point lead in these conditions is probably akin to a thirty point lead in normal weather.
1:54 — If gambling were legal, I would now be lighting myself on fire.
1:55 — Screw this. I’m watching the Celtics game on the other channel.
Revisionist History – Jets 41 Pats 8
It’s always fun to play “what if”. Do that with this game and you realise just how close the Jets were to a shocking blowout victory. Let’s look at a few key plays.
Well, Clemens could have taken a sack for a start, which would have meant it was 2-0 instead of 7-0, but let’s take it one step further. I seem to remember Jonathan Vilma being flagged for driving his shoulder into a QB and being called for roughing the passer against the Jags last season. What Seymour did was worse because (a) the pass had gone, which was not the case for Vilma, who would have had a safety but for the call and (b) the hit caused an injury. What if the Jets get that same call? 0-0 at that stage.
Then, with fourth and two at the seventeen, the Jets would not need to go for it because they wouldn’t be trailing. Kick the FG, 3-0 Jets.
New England’s FG on their next drive would tie the score and then D-Bo’s TD makes it 10-3 Jets. Now, the Pats block a punt (and perhaps McCareins doesn’t drop it on third down if the Jets are leading and not under as much pressure, but let’s assume he does, because he is, after all, Justin McCareins), but this time, Abram Elam kicks it through the endzone for a safety. That makes it 10-5 and the next Pats score was a FG which would have made it 10-8.
Then McCareins does make a catch for a TD, but it is overturned by replay, despite the replay booth awarding the Pats a TD on a very similar play in the Ravens game. On another day, it might have been allowed (or maybe he catches it clean…nah!), so it easily could have been 17-8.
And finally, I read all week that the Pats were giving 24 points to the Jets, but it never happened. If they did what they had promised, then you would have what should have been the final score all along. 41-8 Jets. Sounds good to me.
On the way
Coming up: the Titans, which I don’t need to preview after all, because r in CT already did, but I did want to mention one thing: Jeff Fisher said we’re the best 3-11 team ever. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Jeff. I should know.
Wow, the season’s almost over. Time flies when you suck, huh?
2 Responses to Bent’s Thoughts from Across the Pond – Week 15
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jerry says:
Great rip on Simmons, Bent. Well done.
Bent – that was freaking classic. Simmons used to a good writer – since he turned into the biggest homer he has really lost it.