Vote for Gholston!
The awesome KSK continue their “Sweet Science Sixteen” series (which pits NFL players against one another in theoretical boxing matches, neatly arranged into a bracket), with Baltimore rookie and former Golden Gloves boxer Tom Zbikowski from Notre Dame matched up against our own Vernon Gholston! Cast your vote for Vernon and read the tale of the tape here
In true Rocky Balboa style, we at TJB have been running computer simulations as to what would actually happen if these two faced off in the squared circle:
* Now that he is signed, Vernon has a distinct advantage: Unfettered access to Teddy Atlas!
* Scouts have revealed that, impressively, Vernon actually beat Mike Tyson in his biggest fight to date.
* …well actually, he beat some scrawny little guy for 11 rounds and then knocked out Tyson with a lucky sucker punch in the 12th round.
* …and only then after Tyson smashed his teeth up on Gholston’s helmet while trying to bite his ear.
* The weigh-in takes three quarters of an hour as Gholston goes through all his poses.
* Desperately trying to get into the background of every camera shot: Laura Quinn[-Hawk], who finally gets another chance to wear her Ohio State / Notre Dame half-and-half jersey.
* Debate still rages on over whether Laura is hot or looks like a horse.
* Gholston struggles to establish himself early in the fight, as opportunities to run really fast in a zig-zag, lift a heavy weight while lying on his back or leap up and touch a set of white popsicle sticks are limited, thereby wasting his skill set.
* There’s a lucky break for Vernon in the fifth round, as Chad Pennington tries to throw in the towel, but luckily it doesn’t make it over the top rope.
* Vernon’s tendency to disappear actually comes in handy, as Zbikowski is unable to find him between the sixth and ninth rounds.
* In the tenth, the lights go out and Gholston ultimately emerges, Undertaker style.
* Zbikowski gets busted wide open and Vernon wins this battle of Tom versus Gholiath.
Still to come: D’Brickashaw Ferguson (the second seed) has a first round matchup that I’m sure the guys at KSK will get to within the next week or so.
Filed under: Main Page
if you see Cimini today at camp, tell him to proof read his editor’s print release and tell him the Jets #1 draft pick’s first name is not Victor…LOL!!!
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/jets/2008/07/24/2008-07-24_jets_ink_draft_pick_victor_gholston_to_f-1.html
I wonder how Vernon Hobson is getting on at Pats camp.
Come on guys, Gholston is losing, but it’s close.
“Vernon’s tendency to disappear actually comes in handy, as Zbikowski is unable to find him between the sixth and ninth rounds.”
I wish I had thought of that.
I am a dedicated Notre Dame fan as much I am a jets fan. Which means I have been rooting for Tom Zbikowski for much longer than Gholston. Sorry guys, but I think in a real fight Tom takes it. Gholston has the size, but Toms got the experience and is an absolute nut. Toms got the look like he’ll knock you out along with your whole family in the ring at the same time. yes, even your 6 month old little sister.
Gholston wins huge! Gholston is bigger and grew up in the innercity of Detroit. Tommy a suburban white boy. Gholston is way bigger he would dwarf little Zbikowski. Gholston has Atlas to match Zibby’s expirence. Zibby would try to out box big G with speed and style, but in the end Gholston’s heavy punches would demolish the pretty boy from Chicago.