Guest Post: SML _____s Mr. Favre
Hi everyone. We are Canadian DJM and SML, from Stop Mike Lupica (www.stopmikelupica.com). With Bassett up communing with nature in Prince Edward Island, Canada, we hope you enjoy this little guest post. SML is a longtime Jet fan who proudly wears his “Wesley Walker/Rob Moore #85 jersey” with pride on gamedays, enjoy.
Let us be clear from the outset: Canadian DJM’s favo(u)rite author in the whole history of the entire universe is David Foster Wallace. Dude is a God among men. He wrote an astonishingly good book called “Brief Interviews With Hideous Men” – still in print; buy it – which features a series of Q&A’s in which the questions are not actually seen, but are represented by, natch, “Q.” We, the readers, get only the answers and through context, must piece together the rest. SML and I, being, as we are, creatively bankrupt, have applied this same rhetorical device to our fake interviews with athletes. Clear? Man, I hope so.
Today, we had the chance to sit down with the newest Jet QB, Brett Favre.
Q.
I’m just grateful to be here, doing the thing I love most in the world.
Q.
Playing football.
Q.
The game that I play. Football.
Q.
No, that’s badminton.
Q.
That’s the one.
Q.
Well, I’ve been playing for a long time. I’ve got the wisdom of an old man, but the exuberance of a little kid. I just want to help out the Bears.
Q.
I mean the Jets.
Q.
I’m not a mechanic.
Q.
I’m not a pilot either. Well, I guess you could say that I’m sort of like the pilot of the team.
Q.
Sometimes when I’m being sacked, it does feel like I’m contending with a lot of G-forces.
Q.
You do understand that I’m not literally flying a Jet, right?
Q.
Yeah, I heard about that. That gap-toothed son of a [cheesehead] is going to unretire? Why? WHY? For money? You don’t unretire for money, goddamnit. You unretire for a good reason, like you love the GAME so much. Or you just wanna WIN. Or you can’t afford OXY anymore.
Q.
Well, yeah. I’ve got a lot of records. Got all them Packers records. Got all them NFL passing records. Now I want to get all them Bears records. I mean all them Jets passing records. I figure to accomplish that goal by game six.
Q.
Coach who?
Q.
I don’t think we’ve met.
Q.
Wait, that little fat kid?
Q.
He’s coaching the Bear-Jets? What is he, like seven?
Q.
My kids are older than him. Eff that guy. I’ll coach the team. Win the NFC just like it’s 1996.
Q.
What the heck is the AFC?
Q.
Well, they have their own tradition. Sure, I’ve come from playing at Lambeau Field! The frozen tundra! Vince Lombardi! Dumbasses wearing cheese on their heads! But the B… Jets have good traditions too, like…
…
…
…
Like that guy with the fire helmet?
…
Oh, and that chant where they spell the name of the team. And that one time they went 6-10.
…
Holy HELL what have I gotten myself into? I’m gonna retire. I’m done. Seriously.
Q.
Wait, I want back in. Forget I said anything.
Q.
Or actually, you know what? I’m ready to be done.
Q.
Wait, check that. Let me think about it for a minute…
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Great post great sense of humor !!!
God I hope he isn’t that senile.
COULDN”T HAPPEN TO A BETTER OWNER !!!!
Howard Freeman, Fairfield NJ, wants to sell the naming rights of his seats to offset the cost of his PSL’s. Nothing like beating Woody at his own game. Like I said, ‘ couldn’t happen to a better owner’.
fantastic stuff. Eff that little fat kid, i’ll coach the team. win the nfc like its 1996. hilarious
Sounds like the recent Namath interview in reverse.
David Foster Wallace hanged himself last night.
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