Bent was able to fly over from the U.K. just for last night’s last minute Ben Graham ‘priss conference.’ Enjoy.

[Ben Graham enters press room]

Ben Graham: G’day and thanks for joinin’ me at this priss conference. Oym just gonna make a short stitement and then oil be tykin’ quistions from the journoes.

[Beat writers look at each other in puzzled fashion]

BG: First of all, Oy would loike to thank coach Mandingo for giving me a chahnce to pant in the National Footy League. Oy decoided to troy panting in the Stites after Mandingo and Westo contacted me in Brizzy a capple of years agow. I was told this arvo that the Jits have decoided oy was gonna git the pink slip and oy thought to moyself “that’d be roight”.Aftah a capple o’ bodgy kicks on Sahnday, I wasn’t surproysed to see me nime on the waiver woyer. “Strewth, Bin,” oy said to moyself after I shanked that pant out to the forty foyve yard loin, “Ya flamin’ gallah, you’ve gone and made another blue, ‘aven’t ya?”

But oy enjoyed being a jit, and oy difinitely wouldn’t choynge much abaht my toyme here. In my first season, oy kicked up a capple of beauts and it was bonzer to nearly make it to the grand foynal. Oil admit oi was heaps disappointed that coach Mandingo wouldn’t tyke a few of my oideas on board. Lahst week, oy troyed to till ‘im that the best way to stop a dolphin is to jam yer thumb up it’s butt. And when oy told him oy’d feel more camftable if they got me a ute, all they did was get some guy called Britt Ratliff to be moy new roommite.

Oi always thought that coach Mandigo was a fair dinkum bloke and ‘e gave me a fair go so oil always be griteful to ‘im and Oi mide some good mates in Nuge-o, Deartho and Washo. Coach Mandingo loikes ‘is tucker, so maybe oil go out and ‘ave a sanger with ‘im before I go back to Oz to spend some toime with me Shiela and the ankle boyters.

Erik Boland, Newsday: Uhhh, Ben, we’re having trouble understanding you – can you speak into the mic?

BG: That’s not a mic…

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[Pulls microphone out of leather sidesheath on his hip and places it on the desk]

THAT’S a mic!  (Editor’s Note: Did you just hit us with a 22 year old joke? -BB)

BG: Mate, was that a quistion about Verno?

Jane McManus, Journal News: Hang on a minute, that’s not a mic either…it’s a didgeridoo that you’ve painted black.

BG: Croikey, you’re roight!

[BG tries to punt the didgeridoo in the trash but shanks it nearly decapitating the awaiting journalists]

BG: Oi!!! Think oyd bitter git out of here.

[BG spins out of the room sideways never to be seen again]

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