Only When We Win – Part V
Better late than never, it’s time for another edition of “Only When We Win” where I try and cover the angles that nobody else is (probably because they never needed covering in the first place).
This week’s owww touches on Brett Favre’s gambling habit, James Bond and the triumphant return of the Adventures of Abram Elam, as it analyzes the Jets fifth win of the season and looks ahead to the Rams game. Does that sound like something you might be interested in? If not, don’t click here to
Since the Last Time…
The surging Jets continue to win, so since the last owww, there hasn’t been much to report on. However, there was a minor controversy involving Brett Favre and his gunslinger mentality…
Brett Favre: Hey, TJ, how you doin’?
Thomas Jones: Ummm…I’m OK.
Brett Favre: Been working out?
Thomas Jones: Obviously. You see me in the weights room every day, man.
Brett Favre: Lookin’ good!
Eric Mangini: Brett, stop hitting on 20.
Brett Favre: Aww, coach…you know I wouldn’t hit on 20…I might hit on 16 though.
[Brett blinks seductively at Brad Smith, who does a spit take]
The Adventures of Abram Elam: Season Two
Poor Abram Elam. Everything seems to be going so well for him and then he makes one silly mistake, which costs him dear. A late hit, a fumbled onside kick, a block in the back. Abram finds life is hard…
Episode 1. Abram Goes All the Way
Late second quarter – Jets trail 7-6 and the Bills are driving…
Abram: Oh man…Coach Mangini made a big mistake there. I know exactly how he feels. Right…come on Abram – concentrate…
[Jenkins busts through to the quarterback, who throws a wobbly pass right into Abram's path]
Abram: I can get this…come on now, Abram, don’t screw up…
[Catches interception]
Abram: Yes! Hey, there’s no-one within ten yards of me…
[Races to the 40, the 30, the 20...]
Abram: Oh man, I shouldn’t have had that second breakfast Burrito this morning…
Drew Coleman: Abram’s going to do something dumb, I can sense it. I must catch him.
[Abram gets to the one yard line, faints and collapses unconcious into the endzone]
Abram: …
[Entire Jets roster dives on top of Abram, concerned that he is going to do some crazy celebration]
Late fourth quarter – Jets lead 23-17 and are looking to kick the clinching field goal…
Abram: …eight, nine, ten. Hey! There’s only ten men on the field, I’d better get out there!
[Abram goes to run out on the field just as the ball is being snapped, but Drew Coleman clotheslines him to the turf]
Drew Coleman: There’s 11 men out there…you almost blew that play.
Abram: Ah, but I didn’t.
[The officials signal the kick good]
Abram: Whoooo!!!!
[Goes to do some crazy, 15 yard penalty inducing celebration, but then represses the urge]
Abram: I think Coach Mangini’s hypnotherapy is finally starting to work out!
Dying moments – Jets, leading 26-17 have gone into the prevent and the Bills look to give themselves a chance to comeback…
Abram: Hey, that ball’s up for grabs…Darrelle’s going to pick this off.
[Revis makes leaping interception]
Abram: You know what would really put the exclamation point on this play? A really late hit on Trent Edwards from yours truly!
[Charges at Edwards, but gets a change of heart]
Abram: Wow, I did it. We won and I made it to the end of the game without making a dumb mistake.
[Inadvertently calls Eric Mangini "fat" in post game interview]
[Drives home, pulls into his driveway and runs over his neighbours' cat]
[Leaves parking brake off, so the car rolls down the hill and crashes into a lamppost]
[Goes inside and uses his life savings to back the Lions to win the NFC North]
[Spills beer on his new shirt]
(Pause)
Abram: Agghhh! What am I doing!?!?!
Abram: Ooops! Ummm…that was my bad, everyone. My bad…
Poor Abram. Join us next week (or perhaps never) for more adventures. Any similarity to real life personalities who might beat me up are purely coincidental.
Football Fantasy – Part Five: Quantum of Wallace
As usual, the media continues to focus on the big names, when covering the Jets. However, one player whose contribution should never be underestimated, continues to be a model of consistency. The name’s Wright, Wallace Wright.
Despite being listed as a wide receiver, Wright’s primary impact this season has been as a punt return gunner, where his main responsibility is to spy the opposition’s return man. It’s an odd job, but nobody does it better.
Wright has drawn inspiration from Coach Eric Mangini’s call for guys to make sacrifices and display intangibles, by working at excelling in an area where credit and praise is hard to come by. He truly has been on his Mangini’s secret service.
Heading into the Bills game, Wright could be identified as 009. No, that’s not his secret agent code, but the number of catches, yards and solo tackles on special teams, he has amassed this season. Two more special teams tackles against Buffalo launched him into the lead in the AFC.
As a wide receiver, Wallace has been shaky, not sturdy, with all six of his career receptions being made during the garbage period of last season. However, his special teams play has been of an all-Pro standard.
So, here’s to you, Wallace Wright, keep up the good work!
To be continued…
4 Responses to Only When We Win – Part V
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Reprocity says:
Or Last season that was garbage period. Clowney, Stuckey, Ratliff, and Keller for 2011 and beyond!
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Chris says:
NFL.com blog reporting jets sign Ty Law to one year deal, and will play thurs. nite… only place i saw the news anyone that can confirm this for me??
Poor Elam, at least for once he was able to do something positive on the field.