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Imagine a World in Which Tobias Funke is Franchez’s Wingman

by Bassett on May 19th, 2009 at 4:29 pm

tobias-funke-twitter.jpgNY Post Entertainment writer tries to give some advice to Mark Sanchez about life in the Big Apple. Starting from what locations to live in, to whom to hang out with. All very tongue-in-cheek, of course, here’s a small bit of it:

Surely you’ve heard that hanging out with Plaxico Burress is a bad idea, which is why we recommend hitting the town with downtown fixture David Cross. Not only will he give you instant hipster cred, but there will be no question of who’s the funny friend and who’s the hunk. No doubt some trust-fund art student down there will try switching the topic to the musings of René Descartes when girls are around. Punch him in the face. There isn’t a cop in town who’ll arrest the Jets’ starting quarterback.

Hipster cred? Just wear a t-shirt with an ironic slogan, a trucker hat and wristbands, and blammo! You’ll be the hit of the East Village.

Descartes? On this blog? I link, therefore, I am.

12 Responses to Imagine a World in Which Tobias Funke is Franchez’s Wingman

  1. avatar LWSquad says:
    May 19, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    I’d be honored to be the first to comment on a topic that gives attention to a great, yet fallen tv show. “Arrested Development.”

    Reply
  2. avatar Hatman013 says:
    May 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    Really? I mean, heh, huh, heh, I…C’MON!

    Reply
  3. avatar Hatman013 says:
    May 19, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Also:

    Descartes? One this blog?! It’s more likely than you think!

    (sorry Bassett, the meme calls….and you’re dead on with how to actually get hipster cred….damn hipsters)

    Reply
  4. avatar sec108 says:
    May 19, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Slauson signing was just announced by the Jets. One down, two to go….

    Reply
  5. avatar jetphan says:
    May 19, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    never nude

    Reply
  6. avatar vinnywasthebest says:
    May 19, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    who wants a banger in the mouth?

    Reply
  7. avatar Harry says:
    May 19, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Some of us hipsters already love Mark Sanchez. Have you seen the man? <3

    Reply
  8. avatar EddieC says:
    May 19, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    jones to report next week? via rosenhaus twitter n pft?

    Reply
  9. avatar smark says:
    May 19, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    i can’t wait for the movie to come out!

    Reply
  10. avatar Spiels says:
    May 19, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    The Jets just signed thier 6th rd. pick Matt Slauson to a multi-year contract according to rotoworld

    Reply
  11. avatar Dan in OK says:
    May 20, 2009 at 9:52 am

    I link therefore I am…hilarious

    Reply
  12. avatar Tobias says:
    May 20, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Tobias Funke
    Anal Rapist

    best. joke. ever.

    Reply